Relationships and stress

Have you noticed how people these days can be a bit on edge? Maybe you’re finding yourself getting extra frazzled or having a meltdown more often than usual. And that doesn’t feel great, does it?

When  my life is stressful, I catch myself flipping out at the people I care about more often. Then I need to apologise and hope the relationships can stand the strain.

Plus, losing my cool takes a toll on my self-esteem. I don’t feel good about myself when I react to something my partner says in a way that looks like a tantrum!

If you think about it, life is full of potential triggers that can set off our stress levels.

How would you like to learn how to turn things around when those triggers come so you don’t end up reacting in a way you regret?

What I’m going to say next isn’t complicated, although it does need commitment and practice. The good news is: you’ll likely start feeling a positive change pretty quickly!

So take a look at these steps:​

1. Pause.

Take a moment and start to be aware of how you are right now. Notice how you feel.

2. Acknowledge what you find. And using special words to do this step is important.

Instead of saying, “I am stressed… frustrated… (add your word)” we say, “I am sensing something in me feels stressed… frustated… (what’s your word?)

For example: perhaps when you paused you sensed anxiety. Instead of saying, “I am anxious,” try saying, “I am sensing something in me that feels anxious.”

As you use this language, notice what happens. Do you feel a bit more spacious? Like there’s more to you than just that feeling?

When you Pause and Acknowledge, you’re beginning to form an inner relationship with what’s there, inside you.You’re no longer drowning in it or lost in it, you can be with it. Kind of like how you’d be with a friend who is having a hard time. The next step helps that relationship to deepen.

3. Listen.

Once you’ve sensed something in you feeling anxious (or whatever you’re feeling), sit with it for a while and listen to it. Let that place in you express itself in words, images, emotions. Simply say to it with an open, curious attitude, “Hello, I hear you.” and “Yes, I really get how this is for you.”

Listening means being present, staying aware, being open to what comes from it, and not trying to change it. Letting it know you hear how it is for IT, from its perspective.

And that’s often enough to feel a shift — because you’re being calm and kind inside towards yourself, which can work wonders on how you feel.