The sensation of feeling guilty can be pervasive. Sometimes a part of you feels guilty for what you have in comparison to others. Sometimes something else in you jumps up in response to a person indicating disappointment in you.
People may be envious of you and what you have. They may criticise you and suggest you’re unkind or stingy. Or you’ve reflected on a situation or conversation, and you’re aware that you’ve done nothing wrong. And that you didn’t set out to disappoint others.
On top of that, you’re noticing that something else in you says it’s tired of feeling guilty.
When experiencing a range of emotions and thoughts in response to feeling guilt, you can begin to feel conflicted, confused, isolated. Then you might notice you’re feeling at a loss as to how to handle the situation or to just feel better.
It’s next to impossible to change others – we know this.
So, that leaves you doing a U-turn away from others and back towards ourselves. In this way, we go back inside to find ways to relate to the side of us that’s feeling guilty. And to get to know it better.
Here are some simple ideas to follow to begin with:
Acknowledge all that you’re feeling, that something in you feels guilty and that another part of you is tired of it. Both are there.
Take a moment to notice which of the two needs attention first. Being open to this process and going gently allows you be friendly towards both of them.
You may dislike the one in you that feels “guilt” and you may want to turn away from it.
Nevertheless, see if you can stay there and be curious about it being there. Check if the word “guilt” still resonates. Perhaps another word more accurately describes it now. In time and by consistently relating to it with kindness and acceptance in this way, it will develop trust in you. At this point you’ll experience a subtle change.
“Guilt is usually the surface feeling of a whole complex of deeper feelings. When you can listen deeply, and go beneath the surface, the whole thing will begin to shift.”
Notice this subtle change and what your experience is like inside you. An image might form or you notice a gesture you make. Or you sense something in your heart or abdomen is softening or expanding slightly. Or a word, a phrase, or metaphor may come to you that describes your experience just a little more and with a little more exactness.
This is a gentle, slow process, a way of being with yourself that may seem different or strange at first.
From this place, pause to listen. See if this part of you will let you know specifically what makes it feel guilty in the situation you’re in.
You might sense a sadness below the surface or that there’s a lonely place deep inside you.
Creating space inside you for this part of you to just be as it is, is often enough for it to shift. As you acknowledge what it’s going through, you might feel a sense of ease or a lighter feeling inside you. Things are likely to look and feel a bit different. The two sides may play out differently for you in your relationships because now they feel your steady, accepting presence.
